The Other L-Word

Bette Davis said it best: “Old age is no place for sissies.” One of the toughest parts of aging—one we don’t talk about very much—is loneliness. Because as we age, we start losing the emotional support systems we’ve spent a lifetime creating, and that loss is painful.

Maybe our beloved mate or favorite sister or longtime best friend has died. Maybe we’ve had to geographically relocate for financial or familial reasons, leaving our treasured friends behind. Or maybe close friendships have suddenly and dramatically ruptured, leaving us emotionally bereft.

Whatever the reason, we feel alone because quite often we literally are alone. And after a lifetime peopled with family, friends and romantic partners, close colleagues and neighbors, we feel the loss of them. A loss that hurts.

Sometimes we find ourselves, post-retirement, with no one to share our retirement with. Which feels terribly mean and awfully unfair. What’s so “golden” about being alone and lonely?

When we were young, our grandparents’ loneliness terrified us. It looked so bleak and seemed so sad, but loneliness was seen as such a personal failing that we all just pretended it wasn’t happening. When we became adults with aging parents, their loneliness dismayed us. How did they let this happen? Why hadn’t they stockpiled a selection of younger friends? Why hadn’t they won a lottery so they wouldn’t need to relocate? Why hadn’t they taken more vitamins, because getting old is voluntary, right?

Then we became the older people in question and humility hit us right between the eyes. Because now, right on cue, we find ourselves lonely too. But maybe, just maybe, we can handle it differently. We can start by honestly acknowledging our loneliness, without judgment or shame or even embarrassment. And we can begin to remedy it.

One of the beautiful benefits of retirement homes like Solheim Senior Community is right there in the name: community. A loving, caring, built-in community that offers instant friendship and camaraderie.

But not everyone has the option of instant community. Many of us have to recreate our own, and—you’re not imagining it!—building new relationships does get harder as we get older.

Making new friends requires making the effort and taking a chance. Someone has to be brave enough to reach out their hand, and that someone might as well be you. Not everyone will respond with enthusiasm, but some will. Not everyone will be a kindred spirit, but some will. Play the odds. Widen your prospective friend pool by becoming an equal opportunity friend maker: all ages, appearances and interests may apply!

Before you know it, two neighbors clocking morning miles becomes three neighbors. Afternoon solitaire becomes a bridge party, your book club expands, and now your biggest problem is you need more chairs for movie night.

This brings us to the other L-word: Love. Humans are, at heart, social creatures; we were designed that way. Let’s love ourselves, and each other, enough to acknowledge that. In fact, let’s celebrate it!

We’re stronger—and happier and healthier—together. Today is the perfect day to make a new friend.